How Are You Old?

Lezli Censullo

How Are You Old? 

As I approach my 70th birthday later this week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “old”. 

I keep hearing the refrain from that old song, ‘too old to die young now’, going round in my brain, and it makes me feel so very grateful for the life I am living — one filled with curiosity, creativity, loving and kindness. It makes me feel grateful for the lessons, the hardships, the adventures, and all the changes that have diverted me, time and again, from the path I was on to the twisty, turny roads that led to previously unimagined vistas, delectable harvests and treasured companions. So. Too old to die young now? Nope. More like maybe just old enough to begin learning a little about Grace. 

So then I turned to the dictionary to see what common definitions of “old” might be, and found things like ‘no longer young’ and ‘more associated with the past than with the future’ and other definitions which actually struck me as quite humorous. 

But what these definitions brought home for me is that our inner and outer Selves age very differently.  My inner Self does not know about the supposed limitations of time and space. She is infinitely curious about everything. She is easily amused. She can’t wait to learn the next new thing. She is even curious about aging and about dying. Is that what Dylan meant by “forever young”? I’m not sure. For me, it’s about the inspiration that comes from curiosity — from embracing the human condition of not knowing much and still loving life with a whole heart, no matter what comes next. 

And what about our outer selves? Another definition of old that I came across said, “Your hair turns gray, and wrinkles and age spots appear on your skin.” Yup. We are designed for obsolescence. Even the healthiest tree must drop her leaves so they may kiss the Earth. Nope. I don’t want this adventure to end any time soon. But the idea that a leaf first gets to greet Mama Earth as it dies is somehow refreshingly satisfying to me. Homecoming, indeed! 

And then I had another thought. We often think of the Body as the husk that houses the all important Soul. For most of us there is a sense of the Soul as guiding light. But, what if (one of my favorite phrases) the Body is the incubator for a Soul that needs to grow, like in the Empress card of the Tarot? What if each of us is gestating a Soul that needs the unique conditions that only we can provide? What if we are all Mothering an energetic resonance that the World needs in order to be whole (holy)? 

 So, what is old? On the exterior, it’s grey hair and wrinkles and age spots. It’s the failing of the outer husk. Got that. But on the inside? For me, it’s a sense of both feeling inexpressibly privileged and grateful for an inner sense of Beauty. And I rather like the idea that death might be giving birth to a Soul that has something to offer the rest of the world. 

What do you think? How are you being old today? I’d really like to know.