Re-Story
By Elle Dooley
Story has an origin in Ancient Greek, where ἱστορία (historía) meant “learning through research, the narration of what is learned”. A story is a narrative interpretation of what we’ve learned and who we are.
We create stories based on our experiences as a way to express meaning in our lives, and to remember what we’ve learned. This is deep learning, often at a subconscious level, and what we think we learn becomes beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs are woven through the narrative we create about who we are and where we’ve been. They often grow from harsh judgments, the expectations of others, a need for perfection, and cultural conditioning, to name a few.
“A story doesn’t just say what happened, it says why it was important, what it means for who the person is, for who they’ll become, and for what happens next.”
How does a story become a story? In life’s experiences there is what happened [the facts] and there is what we make them mean [the meaning.] The meaning we make is personal fiction. FACTS + MEANING = FICTION. That’s not to say we are fabricating our lives in a dishonest way, but we are authoring the story of our lives within the context of what is available to us at the time.
As an example, I recently uncovered a story of my own. Six or seven years ago, my partner gave me a cello for my birthday. The sight of it brought me to tears. At the time, I was at the height of a corporate job with major stressors, long hours, and lots of travel. The cello represented a life so much more beautiful, filled with art, music, and creativity.
I’ve never really played that cello. I took a few lessons, tuned it badly several times, displayed it to enjoy its sensuous curves. I couldn’t read music, had never played an instrument. The experience seemed inaccessible to me. And I unknowingly created a story about myself in relation to all of that.
The story is that I’ll never get it. I’ve been living with that story for years, without ever being aware of it until last week, when I asked myself what sits in the way of playing a cello. This is essentially a story of “not enough, never enough,” in this case, knowledge, experience, desire, aptitude. Certainly this is a candidate for a re-story.
Re-story has glimmers of revise, revisit, restore, retell. For Elders, to re-story is to look at the experiences labeled in negative ways and reinterpret them with greater wisdom, more grace, deeper insight, and forgiving self-love. I am capable of re-storying this powerful impediment to my relationship with my beautiful cello.
Here are some questions for rewriting. Reflect on some beliefs you hold about yourself or your life. Ask yourself, how do I rewrite through the lens of greater wisdom? What insight do I have into how I limit myself? How do I lovingly forgive myself for the limitations I’ve never questioned?
We invite you to find a story and work your Elder magic.
Link to an excellent article in The Atlantic